Molly Jong-Fast’s memoir, “How to Lose Your Mother: A Daughter’s Memoir,” delves into the tumultuous relationship she shares with her famous mother, Erica Jong, amidst personal crises that marked a challenging year in 2023. Throughout the year, Jong-Fast faced the hardships of placing her mother, who suffers from dementia, and her stepfather, impacted by Parkinson’s disease, into a nursing home, simultaneously grappling with her husband Matt’s uncertain battle against pancreatic cancer. This period was further complicated by the loss of significant family members, including her godmother, father-in-law, and aunt.
The memoir coincides with the 50th anniversary of Erica Jong’s landmark novel, “Fear of Flying,” which explored themes of female sexual liberation. While the book became a defining work of the feminist movement in the 1970s, Jong-Fast critiques her mother’s legacy, portraying her as a complicated figure whose narcissism and alcoholism deeply influenced Jong-Fast’s childhood. This exploration provokes a range of emotions, as Jong-Fast confronts her feelings of neglect and abandonment, ultimately reflecting on the unresolved nature of their mother-daughter relationship.
Within her narrative, Jong-Fast grapples with the ethics of writing about her mother’s vulnerabilities, questioning if sharing such personal stories constitutes a betrayal or if it’s a form of necessary honesty, especially given her mother’s history of using familial experiences for inspiration in her own works. The memoir presents an unflinching view of Erica Jong, depicting her as a deeply flawed individual who sought identity through various relationships while leaving her daughter in the care of nannies.
Despite the somber themes, Jong-Fast’s storytelling is infused with humor and conversational candor, offering a painful yet compassionate view of her mother’s struggles. As she navigates her complex feelings towards her mother, Jong-Fast acknowledges the profound impact of her mother’s legacy on her own identity. This book serves as both a poignant exploration of familial ties and a testament to resilience, illustrating Jong-Fast’s ongoing journey towards understanding and acceptance.
“How to Lose Your Mother” invites readers to reflect on the moral complexities of public versus private life and the enduring connections between mothers and daughters, offering a narrative rich in emotional depth and insight.