A veteran divorce lawyer argues that marriages most often collapse not from one big crisis, but from a slow drain of small, neglected issues. By treating the relationship like ongoing maintenance—attending to tiny, everyday actions—we can often stave off a slide toward separation. Here are the eight early warning signals he highlights, along with ideas for how to respond.
1) You’re no longer presenting your best self
In the early days, people tend to put their best foot forward. When that effort fades, it’s important to ask: how would I show up if I were dating this person now? Love isn’t just about liking the other person; it’s about loving the person you’re with. Reflect on whether you still feel drawn to your partner and whether you’re still making them feel interesting and valued. If not, consider small, consistent ways to reconnect and reintroduce the best parts of yourself.
2) You’re having less sex
Physical closeness isn’t just about sex; it signals connection and priority. Compare current levels to your early relationship baseline and honestly assess whether the change was intentional or a sign of dissatisfaction. Small acts of affection—such as a kiss when you part ways in the morning or a simple, non-demanding gesture of closeness—can help restore rhythm and intimacy.
3) You’re forgetting the small things
Big gestures grab attention, but lasting connection often hinges on low-cost, everyday acts. Remember the moments when you felt most connected, and translate that into consistent small deeds that show you’re paying attention—things like thoughtful routines, routine check-ins, or little reminders that you care.
4) You’re too critical
Constructive feedback is not inherently kind, but constant nitpicking can erode trust. The idea is to frame feedback in a positive, constructive way and to replace negative patterns with encouraging signals. Example: instead of pointing out flaws in a harsh way, acknowledge what you appreciate and offer gentle, specific alternatives.
5) You’re overlooking their other relationships
A partnership doesn’t exist in isolation. Your partner’s connections with family, friends, and colleagues matter. Find ways to respect and integrate these relationships, and coordinate boundaries and time so both partners feel supported rather than strained by others’ needs.
6) You’re not saying the little things out loud
So-called “little things” should be spoken aloud before they escalate into bigger issues. Consider writing a thoughtful message or email to share your feelings or requests calmly, then let your partner process and respond. This can reduce defensiveness and create space for constructive dialogue.
7) You don’t know how to fight
Disagreements will happen. The key is to establish beforehand how you’ll handle them: give each other space when needed, set rules for fair discussion, and avoid personal attacks. Knowing how to argue constructively when you’re not in a conflict helps prevent lingering resentment.
8) You’re comparing your relationship to a romcom
Social media and celebrity stories often present an unrealistic, polished view of love. Comparing your day-to-day life to an idealized version can erode satisfaction. Recognize that real relationships have ordinary, imperfect moments, and focus on building a practical, authentic connection rather than chasing an illusion.
What to do next (practical steps)
– Rebuild the baseline: Identify small actions that once made you feel connected and reintroduce them as a regular routine.
– Communicate with care: Use calm, non-accusatory language; consider written notes or emails to express thoughts clearly when emotions run high.
– Create rules for conflict: Agree on timeouts, “no low blows,” and steps to resolve disagreements without letting anger fester.
– Nurture other relationships: Find balanced ways to support each other’s connections with family and friends, while setting healthy boundaries.
– Seek professional guidance: If patterns persist, a couples therapist or counselor can help translate these steps into lasting change.
Summary
A long-standing divorce lawyer frames relationship trouble as a cascade of small, manageable issues rather than a single catastrophe. By mindfully maintaining daily connection, communicating effectively, and setting healthy conflict rules, couples can strengthen their bond and steer away from a path toward separation.
Additional value and hopeful angle
– Quick-start tips: schedule a weekly 20-minute check-in, surprise your partner with a small, thoughtful gesture, and keep a shared note of appreciation for each other.
– Positive spin: even when signals are present, relationships can rebound with deliberate effort, better communication, and renewed attention to the “little things” that keep two people feeling seen and valued.
If you’d like, I can tailor this into a concise WP-friendly version with a lead paragraph, a compact eight-point list, and a short closing paragraph designed for readers seeking practical, everyday relationship guidance.