At 72 years old, Virginia DeLuca reflects on the complexities of family and the nature of love as she kneels in her November garden, wrestling with bishopweed while contemplating the challenges of her family’s intertwined history. Her experiences have been marked by the echoes of divorce, spanning four generations, and the weight of family dynamics as she tries to create a sense of unity in an expanding and diverse family structure.
As the holiday season approaches, she grapples with the logistics of coordinating gatherings filled with multiple households and competing schedules. There’s an irony in the contrast to her childhood memories of large family gatherings where everyone came together seamlessly around one long table. Now, those scenes have shifted dramatically, underscoring how family love can look quite different in a blended reality of step-grandparents, exes, and extended branches of the family tree that may not always see eye to eye.
DeLuca recalls how, in the past, her mother hosted grand family feasts with the expectation of a perfect holiday, a stark difference from her current reality where the definition of togetherness is fluid and far from idyllic. Despite the challenges and the quiet grief that sometimes accompanies these gatherings, she finds encouragement in the fact that everyone still wants to connect, even if it’s in new, imperfect ways.
The author identifies with the struggle of wanting to hold onto traditions while acknowledging that change is inevitable. Often, she has hoped that understanding family dynamics would bring peace, but she recognizes that healing is not a linear process. Each family member has their own way of dealing with hurt and loss, and DeLuca emphasizes the importance of standing beside her family rather than trying to control or fix their feelings.
As DeLuca navigates her family’s emotional landscape, she reflects on how her grandchildren are observing these interactions, often handling the complexity of love and disappointment with a surprising grace that can leave adults feeling unsure. She notes their innate ability to create connections and embrace the imperfect nature of love, illustrating that it thrives in presence rather than perfection.
In her garden, she draws parallels between the struggles of nurturing plants and maintaining family ties. The resiliency of spring bulbs, which will emerge despite being planted late, serves as a comforting reminder that life doesn’t always adhere to expectations or timelines. In these moments, DeLuca finds solace in the cyclical nature of love, family, and the world around her, highlighting a profound truth: love, like life, has its own rhythm and cannot be rushed.
Virginia DeLuca encourages readers to find beauty in the unpolished aspects of family life, drawing strength from the connections that remain, despite the inevitable transitions and complexities that weave through our relationships. Her story evokes hope, suggesting that even when faced with challenges, love can still flourish in unexpected ways.